What's Love Got to Do With It

It’s deeper than you think

Action for real has got to start ASAP,

So many of my people hurting, they why rap,

The hurt isn’t always found in they pockets,

Most of the time it’s in their heart, and they can’t stop it.

It comes from not knowing who they truly are,

It stems from the fact that they look up to stars,

But not the ones in the sky up high, 

It’s the ones on t.v. fooling folks with their lies,

Got proud people feeling even less than they worth,

As they internalize it all, it turns into hurt

So now I’m alienated and feel I don’t belong,

Now I don’t give a fuck when it comes to right and wrong,

Don’t care if she got a man, I just see that thong,

Not thinking about no seed, I’m just trying to bust, then I’m gone,

Damn, now I done gone and repeated the cycle,

I need to look at the man in the mirror,

And change him up like Michael.

Now I’m working for nothing, at least that’s how it feels,

I’m stressed out all the time, plus my ole girl ain’t for real,

I mean she ain’t fake, just overcome by her fate,

She my baby mama to be, not just this chick I date,

We gonna be a family, and live happily ever after,

It’s gonna be all good, no worries, no pains,

That’s what she be telling me; now I know she insane!

I barely know this chick, just topped her off with my tip,

She popped up pregnant, and we keeping the kid,

So I’ll take care of it, and treat her like shit,

And hope our seed grow up to live better than this,

But what would’ve happened if I had held my nutt,

What would our future hold if I ain’t fall for her butt,

I don’t know, I can’t tell you what’s coming,

But I can promise you that fucking is about way more than just cumming.

As we take time to celebrate “love” this week always remember that everything we do is interdependent; so the outcomes of our relationships are dependent on the input of our lives.

We must be fulfilled alone to be complete together; completion can only be maintained as long as we remain a unit. Unity can only be sustained with unconditional love; it’s hard to be truly open and accepting to someone else if we aren’t okay with ourselves (better yet, in love with ourselves). All of this is very important for many reasons, but one of the most important is that the product or fruit of our union will be impacted immediately by the circumstances under which it is created.

As I said in the beginning, all that we do is interdependent; just a good thing to keep in mind as we go through life looking for love. We will eventually find that we didn’t have to look very far for love, and once it is found we must move forward maintaining it as lovingly as possible because the fruit we bear will ripen or rot to death based on how it is nurtured. We can’t take care of anyone else if we can’t take care of ourselves.

I love you,

Brandon

But you're not me

Sometimes I ask my friends if they think I can make it,

Do they think I have what it takes, to the top can I take it?

And after a little while they start to respond,

giving me the opinion that I rely on,

To give the extra push to get to my goals,

But this is my situation, so I must take control.

And when I sit back and think about what they said,

That passive, aggressive hate starts to hurt my head.

I asked if I could do it, and they said maybe,

I just have to make sure that I don’t go about it lazy.

I asked if I could do it, and they said I might,

Just make sure you don’t waste your time chasing shawties all night.

I asked if I could do it, and they said If my timing is right,

But I don’t have no room for error, so I better make every move right.

I asked if they believed in me, and they claimed they did,

I just better not make the same mistakes they did.

And I appreciate the warnings and I appreciate their care,

But all them traps they speak of ain’t gonna keep me from getting there.

Because now I’ve come to realize that it’s actually easy to see,

They be thinking about themselves when they talking about me,

Imagining if they could really reach my goals,

Wondering in their heart, do they have enough soul?

 So that’s why I quit asking and just got to doing,

Because waiting on approval just makes my day ruined.

And even if they do approve I still gotta do all the work,

So I might as well just give my all cause that’s what I’m worth.

And with my true effort and support from honest, helping hands,

I can achieve any goal that starts with a solid plan.

But I’m the main one, I’m the one that has to be convinced,

So it has to start with me, my convincing must come from within.

Many times we seek advice or help from others as we try to find our path in life; sometimes we get genuinely good input for those that we seek out. However, many times after we have asked for input from others we end up feeling less able than we asked for the input.

The good news is that our outcomes are not dictated by what our supporters believe; we are in control of our destiny, and so we must be the one that believes the most in our dreams and aspirations.

Advice is a valuable thing to seek, but approval is not necessary from the outside. Only we know what we are truly capable of; so just keep it real with you and get to work. Once you’ve decided you’re going for the goal, just go, don’t wait for anyone else to say it’s okay. You already know it is.

I love you,

Brandon

Was it Really the Gun?

Was it really the gun that killed those people,

Or was it just a person that didn’t feel equal,

Was it really the pistol that caused all that drama,

Or was it just the pain from missing his mama,

Being in love going over the edge,

Not having the courage to just walk away from the ledge,

Pulling out the tool and shooting up half the school,

Running up and down the halls blasting like a fool,

Was it really the gun that made me do it,

Made me pop you in the head, 

Then watch your blood start flowing out like fluid,

What was the cause, and how did I get here,

Staring in my rearview with a face full of tears,

A mouth full of sorrow, and a heart full of regret,

Things I want to say, but don’t know quite how to yet,

Was it all the pain that I live with daily, slowly killing me, 

I can’t even love my babies,

Maybe it’s the stress that’s filling my mind,

Everyday is a struggle, I’m having a hard time surviving the grind,

Maybe it’s the lack of affection that I get from the world,

I don’t get any attention unless I shake up the world,

Well shaking things up sure is gonna be easy,

I got all these triggers and they screaming to me, “Squeeze me”

If I had to do it all hand to hand, 

It sure would be a lot tougher to slaughter my fellow man,

I’d have to look him the eye and listen to each cry,

Feel the loss of your breath with every blow to your chest,

This is getting kind of personal,

I am actually connected to the person who,

I’m projecting my pain into,

Instead of having the strength to get through,

All the questions that I asked in the beginning,

At the end of this game there is no winning,

I’m not free, and you’re blown away,

We both end up with so much more to say,

So maybe it was the gun, and maybe it wasn’t,

It really don’t matter, 

My misunderstood feelings got the whole world buzzing,

Finally I've been heard!

In the wake of so many seemingly random shootings our nation seems to be focusing on the tools used in the incidents as opposed to the feelings that led to the circumstances that we are too familiar with.

I own a gun and I hope I never use it; it sits atop my book shelf waiting but I hope it waits for eternity. Just as my gun sits and waits, so does the blood in my body waiting to boil to a point where I am ready to cause harm to others as well as myself. I spend many hours exploring my feelings so that I don’t get to a place where my blood does start to boil. 

I think as a group we should try to find out why we feel what we do, the answers are very close to us. When we find these answers we will be able to understand ourselves, and our fellow beings, a lot better; so much better that harming them, or us, will become an idea that is just not worth even considering, even in the most dire circumstances.

I hope that we will focus on the why instead of the how going forward. The why is what can change, the how will always be at our fingertips, just waiting for some inspiration.

I love you,

Brandon

Who's the Leader

Reflection on the Election

I ain’t vote, and I didn’t die,

If anything, I feel, more alive

Because I looked at the choices, and saw through the lies,

Instead of a two party system I see old white old guys,

That look sort of the same, but in different color ties,

Telling me that I should keep my eyes on the prize,

Help change the future and vote for they ticket,

But once they get elected up my ass is where they stick it,

Our system is bull shit, it’s really twisted,

But when you constantly brainwashed, it’s hard to resist it,

Plus with all the fear they pump through the airwaves,

Got my fellow Americans constantly with they hair raised.

It’s a damn shame my lil cousin was in Iraq,

Over oil and revenge, I so thankful he made it back

I’m dropping some real hard truth here, without a track,

And it’s no lies here ma’am, just the facts

And my US government is so damn grimy,

I just read true history, and it reminds me,

Of democratic governments being over thrown,

Just because we want to pick who’s on the throne,

And the only reason our interest is ever even sparked,

Is if we can make money in the light and the dark.

I’m sorry if you don’t like my story, but it’s the real,

I might end up shot down with my records sealed,

Just because I’d rather be true and represent what’s real,

Instead of bullshitting people just to get me a deal.

This is how I felt after the 2004 United States Presidential Election. I remember the campaign telling young folks like me to vote or die. These days I still feel like the less energy I put into our political system, the more alive I am. I used to be really cynical and filled with a lot of anger at our politicians and political institutions and the order that they have established in our great land. These days I just feel at peace because I know that I am making the best possible choices in the areas that I can control in my life.

As I observed my fellow Americans reacting to the recent inauguration of Mr. Barack Obama for his second term as our President, I found myself more interested in our feelings than in his words. One of the best things about being in this state that we currently find ourselves in is that we have the option to make our life what we want it to be; no matter who is the President, Vice President, Senator, Congressperson, or whatever other title they may have, we get to choose how we construct our reality.

I hope that anyone who spends a few moments on this post will look toward the future not concerned with who is going to lead them; I hope you will be focused on how you are going to lead yourself.

You know what’s best for you, and if you think you don’t know, ask yourself, but only yourself. In the end it doesn’t matter who was the leader, what matters is where you end up. Vote for yourself, vote to be your best; vote to live your life the way you need to live it, vote to love yourself and everyone as you love yourself. If you vote this way you will be at peace with the outcome of every election.

I love you,

Brandon

What happened to the time

What happened to the time

Where did it go, what happened to the time,

I remember when I was child, the whole world was in my mind,

My imagination was filled with visions of better days,

No thought or concept of real life’s delays,

Where did it go, what happened to the time,

I remember when I was a child, victory was always mine,

I could put an idea in my head and it became my reality,

I could take a look at the world and never see any travesty,

Where did it go, what happened to the time,

I remember when I was a child, all my cares were so far behind,

I could dream a dream, and it was never deferred,

I could easily stay on the straight and narrow, and never swerve,

Where did it go, what happened to the time,

I remember when I was a child, not believing in me was a crime,

But my, my, my, have times changed,

As I became an adult it appears the whole game has been renamed,

Where did it go, what happened to the time,

I remember when I was child, my optimistic spirit was nearly divine,

Now pessimism is the soup of the day,

And all we do is work, there’s no time for play,

Where did it go, what happened to the time,

I remember when I was a child, heaven wasn’t hard to find,

 Days were long and nights were longer,

And the love me and my family shared seemed so much stronger,

Where did it go, what happened to the time,

I remember when I was child, everything was fine,

Now that I’m older I realize everything is still fine,

I just have to do a better job of keeping track of time,

Stop and listen to the birds, pause and listen to the bees,

Observe the wind, and feel it cut through the trees,

Where did it go, what happened to the time,

It didn’t go anywhere, the only thing that’s changed is my mind.

I think it is very important for all of us to take a few moments each week and honestly reflect on how we have arrived in our current state. In these moments we will hopefully be able to clearly see and better understand how we have reached this point and we will know how to proceed so that we can arrive at an even better place.

 It may seem that times have changed drastically and the old ways of doing things just don’t cut it anymore. I disagree.

 I think it is our perceptions that have changed and have caused us to possibly lose track of our initial motivations, desires, and dreams. Reconnecting with those motivations, desires, and dreams will make yesterday more fulfilling, today more enjoyable, and tomorrow more exciting.

What's gonna make me happy

I often hear many people lamenting over true happiness not being in their lives. I like to ask them a simple question; What is going to make you happy? Generally it takes a while for them to answer, but occasionally the person knows exactly what they want. In many cases the person is seeking an object or a person, usually the attention of a person. In both cases I like to continue to ask questions, probing deeper so that we, but most importantly the other person, can understand the value they are placing on the person/thing they want. I believe that understanding the value of whatever you desire is paramount to truly enjoying it once you get it.

Understanding value is crucial because it allows us to have realistic expectations for the outcomes we earn in our lives.

For instance, I once called myself being in love. I had a fiancé that made me feel good about myself because so many other people appreciated her attractiveness, both physically and emotionally. Because so much of our relationship was based on immature feelings and actions it didn’t last; however once our relationship was over I missed my ex tremendously and I vowed to get her back. I eventually figured out that what I valued most about our relationship was how good I felt about how everyone else was impressed by her as opposed to truly valuing the mutual love, respect, and admiration that comes with a positive, mature, and sustainable relationship. Eventually after months of languishing and agonizing over not being with my ex I had a small chance at reconciliation; and I found the idea of reconciliation so anticlimactic at that point that I had no desire at all to even explore the option. It was anticlimactic because over the time that I was missing our past relationship, and doing everything in my power to try to get it back together, I had actually matured, and dealt with a lot of the personal issues that I was facing that made our relationship immature and unsustainable in the beginning. The true happiness that I had gotten from that relationship was no longer of value to me; so what I knew would make me happy couldn’t even come close to satisfying me because I didn’t really want it, didn’t need it, and most importantly, it wasn’t for me.

That is an extended short version of a long story; but the gist is that until you take time to truly assess why you, and you alone, are pursuing the happiness you are going after, you are very likely to be running a rat race. And humans can’t possibly be truly happy, euphoric even, at the end of a race for rats.

Just think hard about what is the source of your happiness; if you can easily smile about it, you’re probably on the right track, if not, you may wanna keep on thinking (well, you should keep thinking either way; positive honest thoughts are your friend).

Why doesn’t everyone act like they want to feel good?

I had stopped blogging for awhile because I had become so apathetic about so many things around me. I have always had an intense desire to make the people of our world smile in some way. And as I became apathetic and content to enjoy my exceedingly excellent and awesome life while everyone else did whatever they did I was unable to do so. Some will say the call was this and the call was that, I will just say that I changed my mind. That’s one of the great things about our minds; they can be changed and molded as long as we are willing to keep learning and living.

Why doesn’t everyone act like they want to feel good?

I had heard so many different people talk about how important it was to be happy and enjoy your life, but I saw very few of those same people actually doing the things that they spoke about. That is to say I didn’t see folks actually trying to be happy. I saw them trying to do this and trying to do that; trying to finish school, or trying to pay the rent, or trying to get to work, or trying to get closer to God, just trying to do anything they could. But I didn’t sense that they were truly enjoying the things they were trying to do; and the usual refrain was that they were just doing the best they could and eventually their time would come and they would be happy one day. I was only around 5 or 6 years old when started to notice this so I had extremely limited life experience to engage in fully accurate analysis of these things that I was observing, but I had feelings, and I didn’t feel that people really believed most of the stuff they were saying about one day it would be their time; I could see it in their eyes. Their eyes looked weary and tired, and they looked like they were hoping that their time would come one day, they really wanted it to come, but they didn’t really believe that it would; not enough to make it actually happen at least.

I write all of this to say that we need to first figure out what our time is? What are you looking to do in your life? What is going to truly give you happiness? And I mean the kind of happiness that people feel when their team wins the big game in the last moment, true euphoria. Not the happiness that comes from a comparison that is not relevant in any meaningful way.

A lot to digest all at once so I’ll stop for now; but I’ll continue a lot more often going forward.

Just questions to ask, and hopefully to poke and prod my fellow human brothers and sisters to stop living for everyone and everything else, and start working toward happiness.