Was it Really the Gun?

Was it really the gun that killed those people,

Or was it just a person that didn’t feel equal,

Was it really the pistol that caused all that drama,

Or was it just the pain from missing his mama,

Being in love going over the edge,

Not having the courage to just walk away from the ledge,

Pulling out the tool and shooting up half the school,

Running up and down the halls blasting like a fool,

Was it really the gun that made me do it,

Made me pop you in the head, 

Then watch your blood start flowing out like fluid,

What was the cause, and how did I get here,

Staring in my rearview with a face full of tears,

A mouth full of sorrow, and a heart full of regret,

Things I want to say, but don’t know quite how to yet,

Was it all the pain that I live with daily, slowly killing me, 

I can’t even love my babies,

Maybe it’s the stress that’s filling my mind,

Everyday is a struggle, I’m having a hard time surviving the grind,

Maybe it’s the lack of affection that I get from the world,

I don’t get any attention unless I shake up the world,

Well shaking things up sure is gonna be easy,

I got all these triggers and they screaming to me, “Squeeze me”

If I had to do it all hand to hand, 

It sure would be a lot tougher to slaughter my fellow man,

I’d have to look him the eye and listen to each cry,

Feel the loss of your breath with every blow to your chest,

This is getting kind of personal,

I am actually connected to the person who,

I’m projecting my pain into,

Instead of having the strength to get through,

All the questions that I asked in the beginning,

At the end of this game there is no winning,

I’m not free, and you’re blown away,

We both end up with so much more to say,

So maybe it was the gun, and maybe it wasn’t,

It really don’t matter, 

My misunderstood feelings got the whole world buzzing,

Finally I've been heard!

In the wake of so many seemingly random shootings our nation seems to be focusing on the tools used in the incidents as opposed to the feelings that led to the circumstances that we are too familiar with.

I own a gun and I hope I never use it; it sits atop my book shelf waiting but I hope it waits for eternity. Just as my gun sits and waits, so does the blood in my body waiting to boil to a point where I am ready to cause harm to others as well as myself. I spend many hours exploring my feelings so that I don’t get to a place where my blood does start to boil. 

I think as a group we should try to find out why we feel what we do, the answers are very close to us. When we find these answers we will be able to understand ourselves, and our fellow beings, a lot better; so much better that harming them, or us, will become an idea that is just not worth even considering, even in the most dire circumstances.

I hope that we will focus on the why instead of the how going forward. The why is what can change, the how will always be at our fingertips, just waiting for some inspiration.

I love you,

Brandon

Who's the Leader

Reflection on the Election

I ain’t vote, and I didn’t die,

If anything, I feel, more alive

Because I looked at the choices, and saw through the lies,

Instead of a two party system I see old white old guys,

That look sort of the same, but in different color ties,

Telling me that I should keep my eyes on the prize,

Help change the future and vote for they ticket,

But once they get elected up my ass is where they stick it,

Our system is bull shit, it’s really twisted,

But when you constantly brainwashed, it’s hard to resist it,

Plus with all the fear they pump through the airwaves,

Got my fellow Americans constantly with they hair raised.

It’s a damn shame my lil cousin was in Iraq,

Over oil and revenge, I so thankful he made it back

I’m dropping some real hard truth here, without a track,

And it’s no lies here ma’am, just the facts

And my US government is so damn grimy,

I just read true history, and it reminds me,

Of democratic governments being over thrown,

Just because we want to pick who’s on the throne,

And the only reason our interest is ever even sparked,

Is if we can make money in the light and the dark.

I’m sorry if you don’t like my story, but it’s the real,

I might end up shot down with my records sealed,

Just because I’d rather be true and represent what’s real,

Instead of bullshitting people just to get me a deal.

This is how I felt after the 2004 United States Presidential Election. I remember the campaign telling young folks like me to vote or die. These days I still feel like the less energy I put into our political system, the more alive I am. I used to be really cynical and filled with a lot of anger at our politicians and political institutions and the order that they have established in our great land. These days I just feel at peace because I know that I am making the best possible choices in the areas that I can control in my life.

As I observed my fellow Americans reacting to the recent inauguration of Mr. Barack Obama for his second term as our President, I found myself more interested in our feelings than in his words. One of the best things about being in this state that we currently find ourselves in is that we have the option to make our life what we want it to be; no matter who is the President, Vice President, Senator, Congressperson, or whatever other title they may have, we get to choose how we construct our reality.

I hope that anyone who spends a few moments on this post will look toward the future not concerned with who is going to lead them; I hope you will be focused on how you are going to lead yourself.

You know what’s best for you, and if you think you don’t know, ask yourself, but only yourself. In the end it doesn’t matter who was the leader, what matters is where you end up. Vote for yourself, vote to be your best; vote to live your life the way you need to live it, vote to love yourself and everyone as you love yourself. If you vote this way you will be at peace with the outcome of every election.

I love you,

Brandon