What's gonna make me happy

I often hear many people lamenting over true happiness not being in their lives. I like to ask them a simple question; What is going to make you happy? Generally it takes a while for them to answer, but occasionally the person knows exactly what they want. In many cases the person is seeking an object or a person, usually the attention of a person. In both cases I like to continue to ask questions, probing deeper so that we, but most importantly the other person, can understand the value they are placing on the person/thing they want. I believe that understanding the value of whatever you desire is paramount to truly enjoying it once you get it.

Understanding value is crucial because it allows us to have realistic expectations for the outcomes we earn in our lives.

For instance, I once called myself being in love. I had a fiancé that made me feel good about myself because so many other people appreciated her attractiveness, both physically and emotionally. Because so much of our relationship was based on immature feelings and actions it didn’t last; however once our relationship was over I missed my ex tremendously and I vowed to get her back. I eventually figured out that what I valued most about our relationship was how good I felt about how everyone else was impressed by her as opposed to truly valuing the mutual love, respect, and admiration that comes with a positive, mature, and sustainable relationship. Eventually after months of languishing and agonizing over not being with my ex I had a small chance at reconciliation; and I found the idea of reconciliation so anticlimactic at that point that I had no desire at all to even explore the option. It was anticlimactic because over the time that I was missing our past relationship, and doing everything in my power to try to get it back together, I had actually matured, and dealt with a lot of the personal issues that I was facing that made our relationship immature and unsustainable in the beginning. The true happiness that I had gotten from that relationship was no longer of value to me; so what I knew would make me happy couldn’t even come close to satisfying me because I didn’t really want it, didn’t need it, and most importantly, it wasn’t for me.

That is an extended short version of a long story; but the gist is that until you take time to truly assess why you, and you alone, are pursuing the happiness you are going after, you are very likely to be running a rat race. And humans can’t possibly be truly happy, euphoric even, at the end of a race for rats.

Just think hard about what is the source of your happiness; if you can easily smile about it, you’re probably on the right track, if not, you may wanna keep on thinking (well, you should keep thinking either way; positive honest thoughts are your friend).